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Dr. Zomg's Extremely Reliable Callipygian Embiggener

  • Old-timey, stained, sepia patent medicine label stating "Dr. Zomg's Extremely Reliable Callipygian Embiggener. Wow!"
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Product Description

Dr. Zomg's Extremely Reliable Callipygian Embiggener is without a doubt a triumph of form: your triumph, and your form. It represents countless picoseconds of research and purely mental footwork by the illustrious and fully accredited Dr. Zomg* and her hapless assistant**, culminating in this purity of motion*** contained in a tiny jar also known as a bottle****. If you put this substance on your skin, you will immedibately feel moderately damp in the precise location of application. Do not be concerned! This is merely a sign that it is working. Soon, with the proper mindset and repeated diligence, you too will know the glory that so many seek-- greater callipyginity. Nay, perhaps even increased amounts of callipygination! Others will immediately begin to consider you more callipyginous***** (especially the ancient Greeks-- yes, this product is effective even across the centuries, upon philosphers, playwrights, heterae and statesmen long dead!). Know this and rejoice. 

Due to excessive zeal and reasons, this product is only available in 5ml bottles and up. 

THIS IS A REAL PRODUCT.******

 

* not actually a doctor

** pretty hapless, though

*** it only moves if you shake it. Don't shake it with the cap off

**** yep. It's in a bottle

***** but they might not say anything about it, because they're shy

****** actually, it is a real product you can order. From here. Although it won't do anything to your butt


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Product Reviews

  1. Eleventy billion glittery stars! Dr. ZOMG has done it again! 5 Star Review

    Posted by on 12th Oct 2016

    How does one review it without spoilers?

    All I have to do is think of this and I'm giggling madly.

    My son asked me what Callipygian meant. I channeled Meghan Trainor…and Sir Mix-a-lot. When he learned the answer, he facepalmed.

    This has got to be the girliest girly-girl thing I own.

    We imagined Miss Ariel reading the above description like a Carny Barker.

    I want to bathe in it like, bathtub gin sized bath.

    In the bottle, it’s like creamy orange hooch.

    On my son, citrusy musk, a hint of bubbly. Not girly at all.

    On me, citrusy musk and champagne. I’m imagining a giant’s champagne flute that’s now sort of a bathtub, and I’m swimming in it!

    There's more to it, but I can't tell you here...but you seriously NEED this!



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