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Dr. Zomg's Patent Shenanigans

  • Dr. Zomg's Blue Mass Salve
    $15.50 Choose Options Dr. Zomg's Blue Mass Salve
    "Blue mass" sounds more like something you'd want to cure than a cure-all. But medicine it was! Powerful stuff, if you're willing to define "powerful" as "doesn't fix anything but distracts you with other problems". The...

  • $15.50 Choose Options Dr. Zomg's Fulminator Argentine
    Fernet! This stuff is an old-school Italian herbal panacea used for everything from hangovers to cholera. Like most such concoctions, the original is a fairly strong liqueur with dozens of ingredients--nowadays, it's...

  • Dr. Zomg's Gracious Nerve Cordial
    $15.50 Choose Options Dr. Zomg's Gracious Nerve Cordial
    This recipe was liberated from a pleasant modern lemon-lime soda that's lost track of its antique soothing roots. The original soothing roots were not roots as such, pardon the pun--they were a low dose of lithium citrate,...

  • Dr. Zomg's Renovative Cherry Bitters
    $15.50 Choose Options Dr. Zomg's Renovative Cherry Bitters
    Bitters: another health drink that wasn't. Unlike most patent medicines, they weren't primarily used to get schnockered on--at least not directly. The standard approach to tip some of the mysterious, pungent potion into your...

  • $15.50 Choose Options Dr. Zomg's Superlative Polytonic Mira-balm
    The recipe for modern Coca-Cola is trademarked, of course, but the recipe for the original stimulating syrup is public domain. They're not quite the same thing, partially because the coca-leaf extract in the modern version...

  • Dr. Zomg's Tincture of Caprice
    $15.50 Choose Options Dr. Zomg's Tincture of Caprice
    This scent is based on an antique recipe for a vinaigrette mix--NOT the salad dressing, mind you. Vinaigrette boxes were the posh Victorian answer to the cloven orange and the pomander; little silver-gilt latticed containers...

  • Doctor's Kit (all scents)
    $14.50 Choose Options Doctor's Kit (all scents)
    An assortment of pseudopharmacology at your fingertips! Does not cure gout, rheumatism, catarrh, neuralgia, restless appendix...or anything at all, ever. Sure does smell nice though.This set contains one of each Dr. Zomg...