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Dr. Zomg's Superlative Polytonic Mira-balm

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$16.50
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Product Description

The recipe for modern Coca-Cola is trademarked, of course, but the recipe for the original stimulating syrup is public domain. They're not quite the same thing, partially because the coca-leaf extract in the modern version has been, and this is a real word, "decocainized". (Our smell, naturally, also contains no cocaine. Drat?) The acid, originally citric, has been replaced with phosphoric to mimic that refreshing cocaine tingle.

We just love the chance to un-ironically use "refreshing cocaine tingle", by the way.

This is the great-grandfather of the modern recipe, venerable and august. It's bracing with citrus and rich with spice, plus a few other odd bits and bobs that were probably sitting in an opportune location in the stockroom when the recipe was compounded. Bitter orange, lemon, lime, coriander, cinnamon, nutmeg, neroli, and INGREDIENT X. Ooooooh.


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Product Reviews

  1. Oof, what was that?! 2 Star Review

    Posted by on 26th Mar 2016

    I get the spice-and-citrus-soda/cola/pop and I like it very much... but then I get something intensely bitter, so bitter that I feel it in the back of my throat!

    I'm unusually sensitive to bitter aromas/tastes in general though (such as those of strong coffee and beer). So try a squee first if you are too. I gave mine to a friend that likes stouts, and they thought it had just a bit of a brisk finish which they actually liked a lot.


  2. soap and room perfume. 3 Star Review

    Posted by on 11th Jun 2015

    Straight out of the bottle, this smells a whole lot like those lemon-scented handwipes combined with the Sterile And Clean But Airless smell of an airplane bathroom.

    and. and now it smells like- handsoap? nice handsoap that you get in the posh bathroom of your rich elderly family friend's house. a little powdery, warmly sweet, kind of floral or pot-pourri without the dust and musk. a trace of cinnamon without the spice-burn. maybe like the air in one of those classy, somewhat overpriced boutique shopes for decor and homewares, with the art giftcards and the print aprons and the birdcage jewelry stands and a middle-aged lady with a big bead necklace and bold lipstick manning the counter. comfortable middle-class luxury and genteel well-to-do-ness. this is precisely what this smells like.


  3. I'm TASTY!! 5 Star Review

    Posted by on 28th Apr 2013

    No, I didn't actually EAT the soap but I sure wanted to. This stuff smells AMAZING!

    Seriously, this and Lemon Bomb are my favorites and because I'm a dude and this way I can SMELL like a dude and still have the fruit smells I LIKE.

    You guys are awesome.


  4. Giggles and grins... 5 Star Review

    Posted by on 21st Feb 2013

    ...were had by all because of this lovely smell.

    Being a complete goof and forgetting to put down my review, I am correcting this now.

    As I said on the scrubs review, I got this to partner up with the soap that my wee one ran off with. Many grins and giggles later, a tiny bit was placed on a shirt collar, and off to school went a grinning giggling child. Teachers everywhere wondered what was that yummy smell as they walked on by, which only caused more giggles. In the bottle, it smells just like the soda...on me, Bright Orange, Warm Citrusy complements, and fading away to exotic spices.

    On my wee one, however, yummy smells from first to last. He smelled like soda with slices of orange, lemon, and lime, and it lasted all day and night, unlike it did on me.
    I was told to tell you have to make this yummy smell and its soap forever pretty please, because it is awesome.

    I recommend this for ZOMG Smells newbies, as it is a pretty and clean scent, with class, and fun all in one.


  5. Just wow! 5 Star Review

    Posted by on 25th Aug 2012

    Oh, wow. This one kinda blew me away! I was expecting a light, citrus-y floral with some spice, but it was so much more interesting than that! It's heady and exotic, with sweet citrus and spice, and the neroli is honeyed and rich with pollen. It smells like a warm, humid day in a thick, spicy orange/lime/lemon grove, and it is AMAZING!


  6. BEST EVER 5 Star Review

    Posted by on 1st Jun 2012

    I love this scent so much. Every time I put it on, I kinda think I should just always put some on my upper lip so that everything will smell like this. It's one of those where every so often you think, "What smells so good? Oh right, it's me!" I will warn people that when I first put this on, I get a TINY bit of red blotching, which I'm guessing is from either citrus or cinnamon (or clove, which isn't a listed ingredient, but it does list an "ingredient X") -- it doesn't itch, it's just a little red, only where I put the oil, and it goes away after a few minutes. Not enough bother for me to not wear this.



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